I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
