chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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