why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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