On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
