Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
