U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
