I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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