WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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