You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Vodka?
Forever.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
