yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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