There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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