the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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