so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
