Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
