One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
