Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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