I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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