Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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