She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
