i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
