hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
