Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
