"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
