ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
