No stitches, just platelets and will power
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
