He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
