Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
