I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize