Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
