the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Porn is love you can see.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
