it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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