btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
