we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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