dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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