i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
