it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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