The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
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