happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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