pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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