i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
