I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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