He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
