You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
