Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
