Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize