you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
