i jhust puked up my retainher.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
