apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
