apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Drunk walkin through police station. America
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
