my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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