it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
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