youre lurking in front of me
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
