So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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