i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
