Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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