oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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