What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
