Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
