duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
