I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have aggressive nipples.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize