I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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