Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize