come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
