i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
