Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
