hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
