you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
