i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
