So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
