We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
