I got chris browned last night
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
