Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
