i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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