does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
