the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
