HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
