with your own penis?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
its not stalking. its research.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Come share oat with me in your robe
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
