Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
