You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
