Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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