Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
