my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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