My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
