u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
