he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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