OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
