did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
