"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
