Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I could fuck to npr.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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