he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
