And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
