She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
