I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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